Joy: that feeling of great pleasure and happiness, according to Webster’s definition. Other words for joy are delight, exhilaration, elation, bliss. When was the last time you felt any of those things, or even a version of them? Maybe you feel joy when your baby smiles at you, when your partner does something nice for you.
You’ve probably felt joy this week, or hopefully even in the last 24 hours. Or maybe you’re struggling with finding the joy in your life…Maybe you just feel so lost and tired that you don’t know what it feels like to be any other way. I know I’ve had days where, the moment my feet hit the ground in the morning, I feel a heaviness and something just looming over my whole day, from the effects of overwhelm, exhaustion, and any of the other million things that can push and pull on us as moms.
There are obvious theives of joy: running out of gas, marriages that are in trouble, debt that’s out of control, lack of rest…
But whether we have any of those things going on in this moment or not, what if I told you that there are things that I would bet are lurking around in our lives that we don’t even realize are absolutely STEALING our joy?
I’m gonna talk about three things that if you can catch and stop yourself from doing, you’ll see your joy, and maybe even some of that peace and energy we’re always craving, start to increase:
They might surprise you, because they have little to do with physical energy, to-do lists, or actual events.
You ready?
PERFECTIONISM
Perfectionism will rob you of your energy faster than you can say triple espresso. This is never more true for me than when I’m about to have new friends over. There’s something about NEW friends and having them over for dinner or a party that sets me into total manic mode.
I want to re-landscape my yard, replace all the fixtures, just to impress them.
Perfection has left me boundaryless. I’ve been so willing to be the absolute portrait of what I think a wife, mother, friend, coworker, volunteer should be, that I was willing to sacrifice time with my family and my health to attain it. And it was NEVER EVER good enough.
That Pinterest Perfect life you might have dreamed up in your head will never leave you feeling satisfied because it will always change. Perfection makes up the rules as it goes along and it will leave you in the dust feeling like you’re not enough, every. single. time.
SELF JUDGEMENT
I think self judgment and perfectionism go hand in hand. They’re like Mean Girls. If you don’t play their game they’ll tag team it to get you to conform to their rules, and then they never, ever let you sit with them until you do.
Listen, you will never become the person you want to be by judging and hating yourself into submission. You will never find your joy if all you’re doing is cursing yourself along the way.
Tell me if this sounds familiar: “I SHOULD do that thing. Oh, I don’t do <this> enough. My god, if I would just get my act together I could finally figure it out and do it right. I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I did that.”
Self judgment. Criticism.
Stop being so hard on yourself. Stop trying to ‘tough love’ it out. STOP SHOULD-ING all over yourself! You’re taking your own joy away before it even has a chance. You’re taking vibrant life away from yourself before anyone else can even get to you.
COMPARISON
Bob Goff says ‘comparison is the thief of joy.’ I’m even going to go further and say it’s the killer of true connection.
There can be two kinds of comparison. Tune into the show (just hit ‘play’ above) to hear my thoughts!
PEOPLE PLEASING
People pleasing includes over committing, over scheduling, doing things we don’t want to do, just to make someone else happy.
I’m not saying we can’t be in community with people and make attempts to truly connect, but what I am saying is that when other people’s opinions of you and your life start to get louder than your own inner voice, those louder voices will absolutely siphon the joy right out of your life.
BOUNDARIES
This is a subject I am so super passionate about and still learning myself, but the big point on boundaries that I want to talk about for today is the art of saying NO. It can go right there along with people pleasing.
When it comes to protecting and nurturing the things you’re most passionate about, whether that’s starting a business, raising your kids, working on the quality of your life or learning to knit, you cannot say yes to everything. Because every “yes” to one thing, is a no to something else.
Every yes to something that takes your focus off of what you’re most passionate about, means a no to that thing you’re passionate about.
I follow Jen Hatmaker’s rule: If it’s not a “hell yes,” then it’s a no. If you’re not 100% in and excited about doing that ‘thing’ (you know besides like, going to your job or cooking dinner for your kids, and even then I totally mail it in with cereal for dinner sometimes), if you’re not totally excited about that thing you’ve been asked to do, if it’s not a hell yeah, then it’s a no.
Period.
Protect your passion. Protect your heart. Learn the art of boundaries, and especially saying no more. You will be better for it.
I would love to hear which one of these resonated the most with you. Leave a comment below or hop on to the Facebook group and tell me.
Until then, my Wannabe Confession for today is that I totally pee a little when I do jumping jacks.