If you listened to my conversation with my husband Byron, we talked about the business that we own. If you missed it, definitely go back and listen because we have a lot of fun and there’s a lot of information in there, but the gist is that we have a business of 16 franchise restaurants at the time of this recording, with plans to grow exponentially over the next 5 years. It’s a big deal and a dream that he especially has been working toward basically since he was 17 years old.
The last thing I want you to walk away with from this episode is a sense of ‘poor little rich girl.’ I am very aware of the incredibly good things I have in my life. I’ve dreamed of financial security for a very, very long time. Believe me, I know what it’s like to feel like you don’t know where diapers are going to come from, and I’ve had to get pretty darn creative with rice and beans.
It’s not lost on me how fortunate we really are, and I am grateful.
But what I hope for you to know is that no matter what season of life we’re in, there are always struggles. Every single one of us from you and me to Beyonce struggles with the pain of being human.
In order for us to be trusted friends we have to know each other, right? So I wanna take a step and let you in on a few insecurities I’ve got…
Most of my career has been spent in the nonprofit world. I’ve been an administrative assistant, a development director, all the way up to an executive director of local chapters of national nonprofit organizations. I did everything from planning large events to donor relations, to building relationships with people in my community, like local celebrities, firefighters, I even spent a half a day with the original Marlboro Man in his swanky apartment, which was just about the highlight of my career.
But making Whoppers and knowing how to run a restaurant! I mean, besides the bits and pieces that Byron came home and told me, and my limited experience as a server at Olive Garden, I didn’t really have the first clue about how I would fit into this venture Byron started 5 years ago.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I have always been Byron’s #1 fan and supporter of his dream to build a restaurant empire, and even though I had a different job and worked in a totally different industry than he does, we’ve made big decisions together and our whole family has contributed to many sacrifices made to make this happen over the last decade and a half.
But that’s one thing I struggle with: fitting in with the vision. I’m really good at paying bills and running Grand Opening events, and I do love the occasional opportunity to experience the busy-ness of a restaurant and help scoop fries or clean off tables, but Byron walks into a restaurant and has earned the respect of everyone in it because he knows every detail, every in and out because he’s worked in the industry for so long.I however, am an introvert. Whenever I walk into a restaurant instead of cheerfully introducing myself and asking how I can help, I either stay in the car, or if I manage to muster up the extro-vertyness to go inside, I usually end up getting really awkward and making some weird random comment about how the bathroom is out of toilet paper.
He’s the expert. And although I can contribute in so many ways where he might struggle, it’s still a battle I fight on a regular basis to fit in with the company.
I absolutely love the freedom of finances and time that this dream has afforded me, but I’ll be super honest: I sometimes feel like a fraud in this whole thing. I say that WE own a business and we do: I’ve been involved in every major decision made for the company. I serve as a sounding board for people within it, my husband first and foremost. But it’s not lost on me that ultimately Byron is the partner and I’m the marketing director. I’m excited about this role, but the insecurity is definitely real. It’s sometimes a hard thing to call myself a business owner, isn’t that strange?
So, here’s something else…what I didn’t realize we’d be opening ourselves up to as business owners in our small town is a little bit of unhealthy attention. … Sometimes I think people want to be my friend for what they think I can give them.
Okay, so I’ve always wanted to be popular. Even though I’m an introvert I absolutely LOVE indirect attention. But since people started getting wind of what we do, they totally come out of the woodwork. I’m ALL for making new friends. I welcome it. Community is what I’m most thirsty for. We’re supposed to be connected to one another, introvert or not. But suddenly people seem to be less interested in being in meaningful community with us and more interested in how much money we make, for instance. Recently an acquaintance invited me to lunch, which I was so excited about, and about 10 minutes in, as I was talking about our plans for growth, she blurted out, ‘WOW you must be REALLY RICH!’ The rest of the conversation had an icky theme the seemed to all go back to how rich I am. We do well. We are grateful for the things we have and what we’ll be able to provide for our kids and grandkids, but we are working really hard right now to build that. We are not rich.
People also stop us on date night when we go out in town and want to know all about how to build a business. It’s so flattering and we love the position of being mentors and the privilege of speaking into people’s lives, but I think there’s a difference between creating connection and just taking something that someone has, just because it’s free. And many times when people ask us these questions in the middle of date night, it’s because they want us to invest in their business.
I don’t say this to be cynical, but to give you a glimpse into the vulnerable parts of being a business owner for me. I love being admired, but I hate being put on a pedestal. It’s a very lonely place. If we can’t be on common ground somehow, it’s impossible for us to have true connection.
True connection is where it’s at you guys. It’s about me seeing a little of myself in you, and you seeing a little of yourself in me. In order for us to live a full life that’s free of comparison and the filtered disconnect we have in social media, we have to connect. We have to be in true community. We have to take the risk of being vulnerable and hope that someone else is brave enough to say ‘me too. I’m with you.’
So there are my confessions for this week. I struggle with being an imposter, standing on a pedestal, and finding my stride in the family dream. I feel a little like I’m in one of those dreams where you show up to a place and you’re in just your underwear.
We all have things that we go home and think about or worry about. We all have needs and Wants and vulnerabilities and insecurities. We all have points in our month or our week or our day when we wonder if we’re doing it right, or we’re longing for connection, true friendship and meaningful conversation. I think if we can realize that everyone is looking for that no matter what they say or how they act, we can start breaking down the walls of comparison and competition.
If this show helped or served you in any way, it would be my honor if you would share it with a friend, or even screen shot it and share it on your social media channels and tag me. It helps me feel less like I’m standing in a crowded room in just my underwear.
Until next time, Wannabes, keep living that best life and I can’t wait to hear from you.