Archives for April 2019

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I’m talking with Rachel Martin, single mom of 7, speaker, and author of the Brave Art of Motherhood.

Rachel believes in the power of the human spirit to overcome, to thrive and to find deep joy. Her articles have been translated into over 25 languages, her site, finding joy.net, reaches millions of visitors per month and she has an awesome Facebook community.Rachel has been featured in The Huffington Post, iVillage, The Today Show, Star Tribune, Stuff New Zealand, PopSugar, Motherly, Parents, What to Expect, NBC Parents, IJR, Dr. Greene, and many more.

She speaks worldwide encouraging moms and entrepreneurs to live each day with purpose and drive. 

Rachel and I talk about the different kinds of strength we need in the stages of motherhood, perfectionism, why she finally decided she needed to take control of the dire financial struggles she faced, shame, vulnerability, and how to show ourselves compassion. 

I’ve read Rachel’s book and it comes at a really good time for those of us who are trying to live comfortably in imperfection and accept the life we have, versus the life we picture in our heads. You know the one…that Pinterest/Instagram/brag worthy life? Yeah, none of us has that. Rachel talks about some tangible ways we can take control of life, accept the imperfection, and pursue goals and dreams for ourselves…RIGHT NOW, and not just someday.

Sooooo, Rachel and I partnered up and one way you can be inspired AND support this very podcast, is to grab a copy of Rachel’s book RIGHT HERE and a portion of the sale will go right back to supporting this show that you love so much.

I really did love Rachel’s book, and I know you won’t be disappointed!

Rachel and I talk about different kinds of strength. Moms tend to get stuck in survival mode. When your kids are under 2, you’re just keeping them alive. When your kids are under 5 you’re in that survival time.
It’s important to determine where you are in your story and determine what kind of strength you need in that time.

How about an antidote for perfectionism? Perfectionism is an attempt to control life. Rachel talks about her divorce and some debilitating financial situations she was in. She rediscovered how to do life. She came to a point when she felt like her life was snowballing and there was nothing she could do to control it. It was eye opening for her to learn how to move and redirect the snowball rather than try to stop it. 

Rachel used her roles as a mom and home maker as an excuse to not dive into her finances. She talks about the life she portrayed, versus what was really going on behind the scenes. When she got divorced, she realized she had to reclaim her finances for the sake of teaching her kids.

“What would you say to the suburban mom who’s trying to make it look like she has it all together?”

Tune in to find out what Rachel’s answer was!

We talk about shame. Shame makes us think we’re alone.

Do you think you should have had it figured out already?

Rachel has a special message about this! 

Memorable “Rachel quotes” from our chat:

“There’s no perfect…only real.”

“Guilt denies the truth.”

Don’t forget to grab a copy of Rachel’s book, The Brave Art of Motherhood, here!

This show is also supported by

Visit www.lillianandco.com and enter the coupon code WANNABE for 10% off of your order!

In last week’s episode, I talked with Lori Lara: Creator of the Strong Girl Self Defense program, 3rd degree black belt, and all around strong woman.

But Lori surprised me with what’s REALLY behind her self defense teachings. My favorite quote from her? “We protect what we value.”

How are we valuing ourselves? How are we listening to and trusting our intuition? How are we teaching our daughters to do the same? ARE we teaching them to trust their intuition, or are we teaching them poor boundaries and ideas based on being “polite?” For me, it was the latter.

In this show, I process through a few of the things that struck me from my interview with Lori, how I worked through some debilitating mom guilt, and a few ways I’m learning to value myself.

You don’t want to miss it! Tune in above to listen, and then leave me a review in iTunes if you love it!

Self defense is a big focus for Lori Lara, but it hardly does her story or her vision justice. Lori is on a mission to teach girls – and their moms – about self love and trusting our intuition. Our conversation goes deep, and we talk about the most important thing: taking notice of ourselves, and going back for ourselves.

Lori feels a God-given calling to empower girls through her self-defense and empowerment teaching. But it didn’t come easy. Lori has walked a long road of trauma, healing, seeking God, and truly discovering herself and the value she brings to the world.

I am most impressed by Lori’s story of healing. It would be easy to assume that a woman who has been affected by trauma, would be in self defense because she wants to avenge her situation. But her mission actually comes from such a healthy place. She explains that it’s not just about throat punching, but about protecting what we truly value.

We talk about boundaries, forced affection, and how to really trust your intuition. Lori also gives practical examples of how we can being to value ourselves and uncover our own self worth.

Second only to her relationship with God, Lori has credited counseling and therapy for her victories. You can learn more about the therapy that we talk about, EMDR therapy, in the show resources below.

Lori talks about a practice that I could really learn from. She tells us about being able to handle other people’s awkwardness; their hurt feelings when we make a boundary clear. Women tend to be nurturers, and we have that “thing” that makes us want everyone to feel good. When it comes to boundaries, that is not our job. I get so excited over this subject, but I have a long way to go, too!

Lori’s teachings are invaluable to our young girls AND to us moms. There is so much to learn here, and I really hope you are able to connect with Lori after hearing this show!

Show resources:

EMDR Counseling information

Lori’s website

Lori’s Instagram

April Fallon is the host of the Adoption Now podcast, and the adoptive mother of four children: AJ, Lily, Vivy, and Maliyah Kate. April had worked in TV and radio for more than a decade when she and her husband, Noah, started their first adoption journey.

Three adoptions later and while working at CBS that she decided to take a leap of faith and start talking about her adoption experience on air. It all started with her own radio program that eventually turned into the international podcast you hear today. 

April has such a unique perspective of adoption. She talks about the emotional and financial sacrifices she’s had to make for adoption, and how she has connected with birth mothers. Her story about her daughter Lily’s birth mother is so moving.  We don’t get to go into detail about all of her adoption stories, and all of them are incredible; full of suspense and love and redemption, but you can hear all of them in full on Adoption Now. 

Whether or not adoption stories make you bawl like a baby like I do, I think you’ll really enjoy hearing April. She even talks about how she doesn’t even try to wear her ‘super mom shirt’ anymore, and just goes with the flow and chaos of having 4 kids. I love all her “Wannabe Confessions,” too!

Adoption has always been part of April’s life. She has loved taking care of children, but she wasn’t sure if she wanted to be a mom.  Fast forward a bit, and she now has 4 adopted children, and she’s been through the adoption process seven times. 

Two weeks into her process, April got the call about her first adoption. 
A big point that drives home with April and her advice for all adoptive parents, is to just take the next step; one step at a time. 

April’s adoption of her second child, Lily, didn’t go as smoothly. She talks about how the birth dad had a sudden change of heart while the mom was in labor, the adoption attorney that cheated them out of thousands of dollars, and how an interaction with the birth mom changed her life.

April and her husband, Noah, went through a lot of heartache throughout their process, but still found the strength to move forward with it. I love her answer when I asked her how they found the strength and grace to go through the process again, even after so much pain and loss.

There are unique challenges that come with being an adoptive parent. April is so vulnerable and lets us in on the main thing that can cause many adoptive parents to isolate. There are ways that we can support adoptive families that I never considered before!

April gets questions when she takes her kids out in public. I think people mean well, but don’t really realize what they’re saying. April has a humorous way of dealing with the questions she gets when people see she and her family out in public. Take a listen to hear how she deals with it!

At the end of the day, we’re all moms just trying to figure it out. April’s secret weapon to motherhood is just not even wearing her “super mom” shirt at all. She embraces where she is, and has no issue walking out the door with “stuff all over her shirt.” She even has a hilarious way of dealing with the judgey moms at school. I love it!

If you listened to my conversation with my husband Byron, we talked about the business that we own. If you missed it, definitely go back and listen because we have a lot of fun and there’s a lot of information in there, but the gist is that we have a business of 16 franchise restaurants at the time of this recording, with plans to grow exponentially over the next 5 years. It’s a big deal and a dream that he especially has been working toward basically since he was 17 years old. 

The last thing I want you to walk away with from this episode is a sense of ‘poor little rich girl.’ I am very aware of the incredibly good things I have in my life. I’ve dreamed of financial security for a very, very long time. Believe me, I know what it’s like to feel like you don’t know where diapers are going to come from, and I’ve had to get pretty darn creative with rice and beans.  

It’s not lost on me how fortunate we really are, and I am grateful.
But what I hope for you to know is that no matter what season of life we’re in, there are always struggles.  Every single one of us from you and me to Beyonce struggles with the pain of being human. 

In order for us to be trusted friends we have to know each other, right? So I wanna take a step and let you in on a few insecurities I’ve got…

Most of my career has been spent in the nonprofit world. I’ve been an administrative assistant, a development director, all the way up to an executive director of local chapters of national nonprofit organizations. I did everything from planning large events to donor relations, to building relationships with people in my community, like local celebrities, firefighters, I even spent a half a day with the original Marlboro Man in his swanky apartment, which was just about the highlight of my career. 

But making Whoppers and knowing how to run a restaurant! I mean, besides the bits and pieces that Byron came home and told me, and my limited experience as a server at Olive Garden, I didn’t really have the first clue about how I would fit into this venture Byron started 5 years ago. 

Now, don’t get me wrong, I have always been Byron’s #1 fan and supporter of his dream to build a restaurant empire, and even though I had a different job and worked in a totally different industry than he does, we’ve made big decisions together and our whole family has contributed to many sacrifices made to make this happen over the last decade and a half. 

But that’s one thing I struggle with: fitting in with the vision. I’m really good at paying bills and running Grand Opening events, and I do love the occasional opportunity to experience the busy-ness of a restaurant and help scoop fries or clean off tables, but Byron walks into a restaurant and has earned the respect of everyone in it because he knows every detail, every in and out because he’s worked in the industry for so long.I however, am an introvert. Whenever I walk into a restaurant instead of cheerfully introducing myself and asking how I can help, I either stay in the car, or if I manage to muster up the extro-vertyness to go inside, I usually end up getting really awkward and making some weird random comment about how the bathroom is out of toilet paper. 

He’s the expert. And although I can contribute in so many ways where he might struggle, it’s still a battle I fight on a regular basis to fit in with the company.

I absolutely love the freedom of finances and time that this dream has afforded me, but I’ll be super honest: I sometimes feel like a fraud in this whole thing.  I say that WE own a business and we do: I’ve been involved in every major decision made for the company. I serve as a sounding board for people within it, my husband first and foremost.  But it’s not lost on me that ultimately Byron is the partner and I’m the marketing director. I’m excited about this role, but the insecurity is definitely real. It’s sometimes a hard thing to call myself a business owner, isn’t that strange?

So, here’s something else…what I didn’t realize we’d be opening ourselves up to as business owners in our small town is a little bit of unhealthy attention. … Sometimes I think people want to be my friend for what they think I can give them. 

Okay, so I’ve always wanted to be popular.  Even though I’m an introvert I absolutely LOVE indirect attention. But since people started getting wind of what we do, they totally come out of the woodwork. I’m ALL for making new friends.  I welcome it. Community is what I’m most thirsty for. We’re supposed to be connected to one another, introvert or not. But suddenly people seem to be less interested in being in meaningful community with us and more interested in how much money we make, for instance. Recently an acquaintance invited me to lunch, which I was so excited about, and about 10 minutes in, as I was talking about our plans for growth, she blurted out, ‘WOW you must be REALLY RICH!’ The rest of the conversation had an icky theme the seemed to all go back to how rich I am.  We do well. We are grateful for the things we have and what we’ll be able to provide for our kids and grandkids, but we are working really hard right now to build that. We are not rich. 

People also stop us on date night when we go out in town and want to know all about how to build a business.  It’s so flattering and we love the position of being mentors and the privilege of speaking into people’s lives, but I think there’s a difference between creating connection and just taking something that someone has, just because it’s free. And many times when people ask us these questions in the middle of date night, it’s because they want us to invest in their business. 

I don’t say this to be cynical, but to give you a glimpse into the vulnerable parts of being a business owner for me. I love being admired, but I hate being put on a pedestal.  It’s a very lonely place. If we can’t be on common ground somehow, it’s impossible for us to have true connection. 

True connection is where it’s at you guys. It’s about me seeing a little of myself in you, and you seeing a little of yourself in me. In order for us to live a full life that’s free of comparison and the filtered disconnect we have in social media, we have to connect. We have to be in true community. We have to take the risk of being vulnerable and hope that someone else is brave enough to say ‘me too. I’m with you.’

So there are my confessions for this week. I struggle with being an imposter, standing on a pedestal, and finding my stride in the family dream. I feel a little like I’m in one of those dreams where you show up to a place and you’re in just your underwear. 

We all have things that we go home and think about or worry about. We all have needs and Wants and vulnerabilities and insecurities. We all have points in our month or our week or our day when we wonder if we’re doing it right, or we’re longing for connection, true friendship and meaningful conversation. I think if we can realize that everyone is looking for that no matter what they say or how they act, we can start breaking down the walls of comparison and competition. 

If this show helped or served you in any way, it would be my honor if you would share it with a friend, or even screen shot it and share it on your social media channels and tag me. It helps me feel less like I’m standing in a crowded room in just my underwear.

Until next time, Wannabes, keep living that best life and I can’t wait to hear from you.

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