Archives for February 2019

Author, speaker, and mommy-of-two, Jennifer spends her days challenging women to look in the mirror and love what they see. From the extra fluff of their tummies, to the wrinkles around their eyes, Jennifer knows that nothing can fix imperfections like a refreshing drink of self-love. Jennifer has had a massive weight loss journey, and has been every size from 6-28. After losing 160 pounds, she realized that you can lose every pound you want to lose, but if you don’t love yourself in the process you’ll never find change that lasts. 

You can catch her on her blog and in the world of Instagram challenging women to break free from the bondage that slips onto their ankles when they step onto the scale. She is proof that when we truly embrace who we are, we can be better mothers, better friends, better co-workers, bigger dreamers, and more passionate pursuers. Hang around Jennifer long enough and you’ll find yourself looking into the mirror with a smile on your face as you notice all the little details that make you perfectly imperfect just as you are, today. 

Jennifer has a number etched in her mind forever: 336.

336 pounds is the weight that she was when she reached a breaking point and started her weight loss journey.

Then she lost 160 pounds. She’d been almost every size: from a 6 to a 28, and realized that it doesn’t matter how many pounds you lose if you don’t love what you see in the mirror.

“What was going on in your mind when you reached that breaking point?”

It wasn’t easy being overweight since childhood. She’d been bullied and had horrible words said to her throughout the years. Constantly hearing all of those things finally caught up to her.

In the show, Jennifer talks about a night when she was 19 years old, pre husband, pre kids, when she decided to make a change, and where she went from there.

“What would you tell someone who’s reached a breaking point in their life, and who’s maybe afraid of another failed attempt?”

A lot of us trip up when we’ve made a mistake and feel like we can’t go on. Jennifer realized that a solid, journey to a healthy lifestyle includes the good moments and the not-so-good moments. It takes practice, but the more that you have a blip on the radar and keep moving forward, the stronger your willpower gets.

What do you credit the weight loss to?

One of the biggest things that keeps Jennifer going with her healthy lifestyle is her “why.” It always brings her back to her focus.

What’s your why? What’s that “thing” that’s so deep down inside of you that motivates you to pursue a healthy lifestyle?

Jennifer talks about her own “why” and how she had to overcome hating what she saw in the mirror, even after losing 160 pounds.

She talks about the “perfect” body, the numbers at the doctor’s offices, and what it all really comes down to in order to impact the world around you.

Check out this blog post by Jennifer about loving herself as-is.

PSA: The scale does NOT determine your worth!

There will always be something to pick on about your body. There will always be something you wish that was different.

There’s always going to be something you’ll want to pick on. You owe it to yourself, and the people around you, to love who you are TODAY.

How has loving yourself, as-is, impacted other areas of your life?

Jennifer asked herself, “What would my life be like if this weight thing was never a thing for me? What if I was one of those people who never had to worry about her weight? What would I have done?”

Tune into the podcast to hear her answers!

What’s one piece of advice you would give to women who are uncomfortable in their own skin, no matter their weight or size?

Jennifer has met people who are in the best of shape, and even they have their own insecurities about their body.

She encourages us to recognize that WE ALL have things we’re insecure about. It’s important to think about what you’re thinking about. Take inventory of your thoughts. If you catch yourself thinking negatively about the way you look, remind yourself that no one else is criticizing your body the way that you are.

94% of women are unhappy with their body. We’re so concerned about what other people think, while everyone else is thinking about their own looks.

Go through the process of speaking to and thinking kindly about yourself, every day. Take a negative thought and replace it with a positive thought.

Need some help? Jennifer has some really effective affirmations to set as your wallpaper, tape to your mirror, and help you to more easily think better thoughts about yourself!

This is a work from the inside out. When you decide that you’re going to be healthy and truly love yourself, you will be a more happy and whole person.

What are some other practical ways you’ve stayed on track?

It’s YOU versus YOU. Don’t fall into the comparison trap. Beware of the crash diets. Focus on you and YOUR journey. Are you stronger today than you were three weeks ago? Are you pushing yourself?

No two journeys will look the same.

Tune in to hear about Jennifer’s “real life” moment, how she finds time for herself, and what she does!

Connect with Jennifer:

Website: http://www.jenniferwagner.co

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/jenniferwagner.co

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JenniferTaylorWagner

I want you to know who you’re tuning into, and hopefully hitting that ‘subscribe’ button for.  Think of it as and introduction to the podcast, and like one of those MySpace surveys everyone forced on you, only better. You ready? Okay.

So, I’m Kristen Wheeler and I’m usually just a hot mess of coffee and dry shampoo.  I’m a blogger, a speaker, and now, a podcaster. I get so much fulfillment out of connecting with women and the community that comes from sharing the messiness and imperfections of my life. But, more on that vision later.

I’m married to my husband Byron, and we’ve been together for 18 years, married for 15. We met online when I was seventeen (holla, AIM) and I married him when I was 20.  Every day I look at him, in awe of what a lucky man he is.

We have two kids: Abby and Josh, who are 14 and 13. Yep – they’re 14 months apart. I used to want 13 kids, but after being pregnant for basically 2 years, I decided that was all I could handle, because my closest friends will tell you that I was the WORST pregnant lady on the planet. 

We have made our home in a cute, quiet, amazing little suburb of Denver, Colorado, that I am just in love with for its small town charm, but I always think it’s worth mentioning that I am originally from Northern California, and my husband is a 5th generation Texan, so the fact that we made it to Colorado and love it as much as we do, is nothing short of amazing.

As a family, we own and operate 15 chain fast food restaurants, with more scheduled to open this year. This seems to be the point in the conversation where people’s eyes get really big and sometimes I feel like they start treating me differently.  We are not filthy rich and we don’t think we’re better than you.  We just work hard and get free fries whenever we want.

I’m an introvert.WHAT! Yeah. I’m what they call an extroverted introvert, which basically means I can carry on a meaningful conversation with strangers or perform well, but I need to recharge and I really, really love being by myself.  

I’m good at telling embarrassing stories about myself.  My current favorite is the one where I showed up to an upscale Christmas party as the only one in pajamas.

I’m a Christian. I had a bit of a hard time deciding whether or not I was going to include this part, not because I’m ashamed of my faith, but because I think there has been a stigma of judgement and dare I say – hypocrisy from professed people of faith and members of the Christian Church that immediately turns people off…and for good reason.  And while this not a faith-based podcast, my faith is a big part of who I am. I don’t judge you (that’s definitely not my job), and I’m not going to get you to try to believe the same as me or even agree with me.  Telling you all about myself means telling you that I’m really in love with Jesus and He’s behind every good thing that I do.

I consider myself a music enthusiast.I have an appreciation for many types of music, and it’s a deep and constant part of my life. I have a few playlists I love sharing,too!

I’m a Broadway geek, a Disney enthusiast, and I am obsessed with Christmas. Okay, that was three in one, but That just basically means that my taste in music has a really corny side, I believe that Lin Manuel Miranda hung the moon, and my Christmas countdown starts on December 26th. I even have a Christmas room in my house, with a Disney themed office underway. 

I’m a cheer mom and I love it. I love cheerleading and watching my kid do what she’s passionate about. (check out this episode all about all star cheerleading and why cheer moms can get a little cray-cray!)

I thoroughly enjoy wine (just like a good cheer mom and suburban wife), but what might surprise you is that I also really like whiskey. I love the taste of bourbon and different kinds of smooth, sugary whiskey.  I think I got it from my grandma.  

I used to secretly judge people who have tattoos…and now I have two.

I am a chronic over-thinker. Also what gives me worry wrinkles.

I want to encourage women to be vulnerable, BUT…I beat myself up when I’ve been vulnerable. I think things like, “Was it too much? Will I be misunderstood? Was it bad timing? Will they stop liking me?”

Words of affirmation and quality time are my top love languages. So, give me a genuine compliment over coffee and deep conversation and we’re friends.  Throw in a good Friends quote and we’re best friends. 

If you hop over to supermompodcast.com you can find out much, more about me, including the party tricks I practice at home, what I used to do for a living. Just click on the hostess link.

So, why a podcast? years ago I jokingly called myself the Super Mom Wannabe in response to someone asking me, ‘hey, you’ve got it all together… where’s your cape?’ At the time I was a mom of a 4 year old and a 5 year old, I was working more than full time, with a husband who also worked more than 60 hours a week, and close family pretty far away.

I was volunteering, serving, trying to make friends, all while raising kids and just making my best attempts to stay afloat and survive.  On the outside, people called me Super Mom and asked me, ‘how do you do it?’ But on the inside, I was crumbling underneath the weight of my own expectations, and the mom guilt in my life was. so. real. I had meltdowns, anxiety (that I still deal with sometimes, by the way. Hopefully more about that in a future episode).

I had times of such loneliness that I could not even describe to you. I WANTED people to think I had it all together. I LOVED it when people asked me how I did it.  I NEVER asked for help. I thought that having it all together – or at least looking the part – was a sign of strength and that people would admire me and want to be my friend. Instead, it isolated me. I had all these achievements, but they led to nowhere, and came at the price of my mental, physical, and emotional well being. 

Then,  I started to joke about the fact that I DIDN’t have it all together. I invited friends over, even when the sink was full of dishes. I made fun of the fact that I NEVER wore socks that matched. I embraced the chaos and all the “wannabe-isms” of my life. Like, “ I WANNA BE a perfect mom, but sometimes I yell at my kids.” I WANNA BE someone who has it all together, but I spill spaghetti sauce on my white shirt EVERY time. I WANNABE a Pinterest-worthy home maker, but I usually get caught somewhere between Martha Stewart and an episode of Hoarders. And people started to relate. I’d open up about an area of my life where I felt uneasy or vulnerable, and people would rush to my side and say, ‘me too.’ Been there. I’m so glad I’m not the only one. 

I’ve learned that being real – being real with myself and with those around me – has set me free from the lies of perfection and comparison. By being honest about all the areas where I fall short in all the areas of my life – and believe me, I fall short in all of them, and celebrating the wins and what I’m good at, by celebrating the fact that I’m a Wannabe and I don’t have it all together, I’ve found my tribe. I’ve actually found who I am and I’ve been able to just be myself. 

Now, I love to talk. I love to tell stories and make people laugh. My goal is to inspire people with my words and my life. So, I borrowed my son’s microphone, found a theme song, and now here I am. And not only do I want to share funny stories and practical ways to take charge of your life and chase your passion, but I’m going to have conversations with other women who are doing the same.  The women you’ll hear are from all walks of life, but they’re just people.  People like you and me. People who are going through life just like the rest of us: one day at a time. One imperfect story at a time, wondering if they’re doing it just right, fighting mom guilt, all with coffee and dry shampoo very, very close by. 

My hope is that you’ll hear my stories, and spend time listening to these women, know you’re not alone, know there’s no ONE RIGHT way, rid yourself of the guilt and negative talk that holds you back, rid yourself of the idea that you’re the only one struggling and you get the courage to find and chase your passions and change the world around you.

So, now that you know all about me, I wanna know more about YOU! I’ve created a facebook group just for members of this Wannabe community, and I’d love for you to join, introduce yourself, and tell us more about you and maybe even YOUR Wannabe Confession. You can find us by searching The VIP Wannabes on Facebook or by CLICKING HERE. Seriously, the more the merrier!

Thank you so much for listening. I’ll see you over in the Facebook group and in the next episode.  

Joy: that feeling of great pleasure and happiness, according to Webster’s definition. Other words for joy are delight, exhilaration, elation, bliss. When was the last time you felt any of those things, or even a version of them? Maybe you feel joy when your baby smiles at you, when your partner does something nice for you. 

You’ve probably felt joy this week, or hopefully even in the last 24 hours. Or maybe you’re struggling with finding the joy in your life…Maybe you just feel so lost and tired that you don’t know what it feels like to be any other way. I know I’ve had days where, the moment my feet hit the ground in the morning, I feel a heaviness and something just looming over my whole day, from the effects of overwhelm, exhaustion, and any of the other million things that can push and pull on us as moms.

There are obvious theives of joy: running out of gas, marriages that are in trouble, debt that’s out of control, lack of rest…

But whether we have any of those things going on in this moment or not, what if I told you that there are things that I would bet are lurking around in our lives that we don’t even realize are absolutely STEALING our joy?

I’m gonna talk about three things that if you can catch and stop yourself from doing, you’ll see your joy, and maybe even some of that peace and energy we’re always craving, start to increase:
They might surprise you, because they have little to do with physical energy, to-do lists, or actual events. 
You ready? 

PERFECTIONISM

Perfectionism will rob you of your energy faster than you can say triple espresso.  This is never more true for me than when I’m about to have new friends over. There’s something about NEW friends and having them over for dinner or a party that sets me into total manic mode.
I want to re-landscape my yard, replace all the fixtures, just to impress them. 

Perfection has left me boundaryless.  I’ve been so willing to be the absolute portrait of what I think a wife, mother, friend, coworker, volunteer should be, that I was willing to sacrifice time with my family and my health to attain it. And it was NEVER EVER good enough.

That Pinterest Perfect life you might have dreamed up in your head will never leave you feeling satisfied because it will always change. Perfection makes up the rules as it goes along and it will leave you in the dust feeling like you’re not enough, every. single. time. 

SELF JUDGEMENT

I think self judgment and perfectionism go hand in hand. They’re like Mean Girls. If you don’t play their game they’ll tag team it to get you to conform to their rules, and then they never, ever let you sit with them until you do. 
Listen, you will never become the person you want to be by judging and hating yourself into submission. You will never find your joy if all you’re doing is cursing yourself along the way.

Tell me if this sounds familiar: “I SHOULD do that thing. Oh, I don’t do <this> enough. My god, if I would just get my act together I could finally figure it out and do it right. I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I did that.” 
Self judgment. Criticism. 

Stop being so hard on yourself. Stop trying to ‘tough love’ it out. STOP SHOULD-ING all over yourself! You’re taking your own joy away before it even has a chance.  You’re taking vibrant life away from yourself before anyone else can even get to you. 

COMPARISON

Bob Goff says ‘comparison is the thief of joy.’ I’m even going to go further and say it’s the killer of true connection.

There can be two kinds of comparison. Tune into the show (just hit ‘play’ above) to hear my thoughts!

PEOPLE PLEASING

People pleasing includes over committing, over scheduling, doing things we don’t want to do, just to make someone else happy.

I’m not saying we can’t be in community with people and make attempts to truly connect, but what I am saying is that when other people’s opinions of you and your life start to get louder than your own inner voice, those louder voices will absolutely siphon the joy right out of your life.

BOUNDARIES

This is a subject I am so super passionate about and still learning myself, but the big point on boundaries that I want to talk about for today is the art of saying NO. It can go right there along with people pleasing. 

When it comes to protecting and nurturing the things you’re most passionate about, whether that’s starting a business, raising your kids, working on the quality of your life or learning to knit, you cannot say yes to everything.  Because every “yes” to one thing, is a no to something else.  

Every yes to something that takes your focus off of what you’re most passionate about, means a no to that thing you’re passionate about.

I follow Jen Hatmaker’s rule: If it’s not a “hell yes,” then it’s a no. If you’re not 100% in and excited about doing that ‘thing’ (you know besides like, going to your job or cooking dinner for your kids, and even then I totally mail it in with cereal for dinner sometimes), if you’re not totally excited about that thing you’ve been asked to do, if it’s not a hell yeah, then it’s a no.

Period. 

Protect your passion.  Protect your heart. Learn the art of boundaries, and especially saying no more.  You will be better for it. 

I would love to hear which one of these resonated the most with you. Leave a comment below or hop on to the Facebook group and tell me. 

Until then, my Wannabe Confession for today is that I totally pee a little when I do jumping jacks.