Archives for August 2019

How do you take control of your time and conquer that to do list?

I’m often asked how I manage my time and juggle all the things I do. I sort of blush at this idea because I feel like the answer needs to come from someone who’s got it all together and has all the answers.  But talking to Robyn in the last episode sparked some things in me that really made me think about my process for keeping all my stuff straight: the mom stuff, the business, volunteering, this podcast…So I’m sharing 9 of my best tips to keep it all straight, how I plan, and how I stay present and in the moment for all of it.

Okay, first let me say again that I don’t have all this figured out. This is an ever evolving process.  I will always be the first to admit that I have had more than one Jessie Spano meltdown over never having enough time. There’s never enough time!

I’ve spend a lot of energy on making big, lofty lists and then never accomplishing them. I’ve had days where nothing could stop me and I got it ALL done, and I’ve had days where I’ve thrown all the lists and goals up in the air and taken a nap instead.

If there’s one thing I want you to get from this show is to go easy on yourself. There are so many demands, pushing and pulling at us, that it can be maddening. Remember those boundaries, practice the art of saying ‘no’ more, and remember that you were not meant to do it all.  

Having said that, this is the process that I run everything through, every single week. 

PRIORITIZE

What are your “big rocks?” Your non negotiables? I have a lot on my plate. I have my family, I help with our family’s business, I’m growing a business of my own, I volunteer with MOPs, I teach a Bible study, I go to Broadway shows, I meet with my friends, I chase food truck…you get it.

All of those things have their place in my life, but right now I only have three big rocks.

Tune in to hear the story I’m talking about when I say “big rocks”)

Intentional time with my family

Personal growth

My business

That’s it. Those are the things that I don’t go a single day without making time for.

Are there other things like friendships, blogging, cleaning house, and catching up on celebrity gossip? Absolutely. But none of those things happen without my big rocks being taken care of first. Not even the toilets. And most of the time, I outsource that, but that’s for another episode.

I MAP OUT MY WEEK

Every Sunday I sit down and write down everything I need to do for the upcoming week. I try to think of everything that needs to happen outside of my normal routine of taking my kids places, working out and so on. These are things like, reach out to podcast guests, setting marketing plans, schedule kids doctor appointments, everything that I can think of. 

SCHEDULE IT

WHEN will I get these things done? How much time do I need for these things? I put it on the calendar. A lot of things can be done in one office session, so I’ll block out two hours to do those miscellaneous tasks like catch up on emails, pay a bill, and call the dentist office. But it’s always scheduled on the calendar.

Make it fun, too! Schedule time for social media, reading trashy magazines, etc. For me, I do really well with structure and rules and so it’s even nicer for me to rest in knowing that even though I’m reading a trashy magazine, this is exactly what I’m supposed to be doing right now instead of feeling guilty that I should be accomplishing something else. That’s a big struggle for me. So I schedule that rest time.

I’ve created a FREE downloadable worksheet to help you take control of your time!

GIVE YOURSELF DEADLINES AND TIME LIMITS

Instead of saying I’m going to do ‘this’ today, it’s, “I’m going to do this today by 9:00 a.m.” I love to make a game out of it. A lot of times I will try to estimate how long something will take, and then I set a timer for that amount of time. I think I can do meal prep in 1 hour. I think I can fold the laundry in 45 minutes. It takes the fear out of the list, which keeps me from procrastinating. Because here’s a secret: all procrastination can be tracked back to fear. WHAT!  

Setting those time limits does two things for me: it TOTALLY helps take the overwhelm away.  A lot of times I’ll look at my list and get really anxious about how I’m going to get all the important things done.  But when I say to myself, “How long will this thing ACTUALLY take,” it usually isn’t more than an hour. Most of the time it’s 15 to 20 minutes.  When I can take the emotion out and be objective about it, I end up being able to actually get the thing done, or even decide whether or not it’s important.

The other thing it does is it helps me to focus. There is something about that timer and my competitive nature that propels me forward to get whatever that thing is, done.

When I schedule something on my calendar, I give myself PLENTY of cushion around it, to allow for snags, interruptions and recovery time. Scheduling it on our calendars is not meant to overwhelm us or put pressure on us, so make sure you allow yourself plenty of time.  So, by my game strategy, if I think something will only take 45 minutes, I schedule it on the calendar for an hour.  It gives me plenty of time to complete it, and an awesome feeling if I get ahead of schedule for the day. 

Bonus: sometimes if you’re having a hard time starting on something, just set a timer for 15 minutes and tell yourself that’s all you have to do.  Chances are, that’s all you needed to get the motivation: to start, and then you’ll want to keep going longer than 15 minutes! 

ELIMINATE DISTRACTIONS

Turn notifications OFF – go into airplane mode if you have to. Eliminate anything that will distract you or contribute to “monkey brain.” That’s when your mind swings from thought to thought and you can’t focus or think straight.

SILO AND BATCH

Sometimes when I make my lists and I have multiple things going on in multiple areas, I try to silo them into categories: Business, podcast, MOPs and so on. A lot of times I’ll only work on certain things on certain days.

Of course, that doesn’t always work with motherhood and if you work a 9-5 job, but it does on some occasions.  So for example, I am very involved in my local MOPs group. I can usually plan out that I’ll work on my MOPs responsibilities on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Because MOPs meets two Thursdays a month, I use the other two or three Thursdays and spend that time working on administrative stuff. That time is already reserved for MOPs meetings, so I devote that time to MOPs responsibilities.

True batch working is when you set aside hours or a day at a time to do ONE thing: so I would love to work toward having a full day of podcast interviews and then a full day of editing them. Or, writing for hours and hours at a time, and then another day, marketing, and so on. Again, it’s tough with the motherhood and business owner schedule, because there is always a fire to put out. I’m finding a few loopholes and I’ll keep you posted.

FIND YOUR “SWEET SPOT” TIME, AND THEN HOLD THE REST OF THE DAY LOOSELY

This is the time when you have the most energy and the fewest interruptions. So, because my kids leave for school at 7:00 a.m. and sleep in when they’re not in school, I usually have a couple of hours in the morning to do whatever I want, without any interruption. THAT’s my sweet spot. Maybe yours is during nap time, or after everyone goes to bed. Find your sweet spot, determine exactly what you’re gong to get done during that time, and focus on just that. Once my sweet spot time is over, I have to let go of my personal to do list. Most of the time this happens for me by 12:00  Otherwise it just gets too frustrating. There are too many things that pop up: projects, phone calls, fires to put out. Set your sweet spot time, use that time to not waiver, and then be flexible with the rest of your day.

KEEP A “DONE” LIST

We spend so much time doing things on autopilot that we don’t realize just how much we do.  One day I was so mad at myself that I hadn’t even brushed my teeth, and it was already 10:00 a.m.  I felt like I had nothing to show for my day.  But when I thought about it, I realized I had cleaned the kitchen, caught up on reading, made some meaningful connections on social media, started two loads of laundry, sent 5 emails, registered my kids for fall sports, and changed the batteries in the smoke alarm, all before 8 am. Keep track of your progress and pat yourself on the back for all the things you do.  

NO MORE MENTAL NOTES

Get them OUT! Write them down! This doesn’t require a lot of explanation, but seriously, write it down. We let so much float around in our head, which contributes to overwhelm and anxiety and all sorts of problems that we could prevent if we simply just starting writing things down.  This doesn’t just go for to do lists, you guys. Start a journal. Start writing things down. Especially if you deal with anxiety and getting stuck inside your head.  Start getting those things out of your head. It does wonders.

Remember that we are humans and not machines.  I have a tendency to expect myself to perform like a robot, forgetting that I only get a finite amount of energy each day.  It’s important to know when to rest, and give yourself plenty of breaks. Getting things done is important, and we need to stay focused on the life we want to create for ourselves. But remember that no one will remember you by the things you marked off your to do list. Allow yourself to breathe, stop and enjoy life! 

One of my favorite quotes is you CAN do it all, just not all at once.  I used to laugh at it and think that I really could do it all, but it came at a high cost; not a lot of quality time with my family, always serving others’ agendas, my health even suffered at times. 

We have to handle our hearts gently when it comes to all the to do’s. Please hear that.

I don’t know a single woman who hasn’t felt like she’s losing her grip on time: time with her babies, time for herself, time to just get anything done!

Robyn Pearce is known around the world as the Time Queen. She’s the auuthor of nine books, including Getting a Grip on Time, Getting a Grip on Parenting Time, and Getting a Grip on the Paper War. 

Robyn learned about time management the hard way. Through the years of raising six kids, single parenthood and then a highly successful real estate career, time management was her biggest challenge. The good news is – she won, and now shares those lessons with clients, readers and listeners all over the world.  And – with 17 grandchildren, she needs them all to keep on track! 

We’re going to hear about her four techniques to master your time in only 90 seconds, how we can change our perspective of time, and how we can be more present in this crazy busy mom life of ours. Tune on in above to hear all the juicy details!

After Robyn became a single mother, managing her time became an issue.  She felt fragmented and exhausted all of the time. She struggled with time and constantly being late for things. She started taking a journal of her time and began to see where she was spending it, and then began helping others. 

Essentially, her life was lived out in Wannabe Confessions! When she was pregnant with baby #4, two of her children painted her car while she was taking a nap, and when last minute company came over, she had been known to hide dirty dishes in her oven AND her washing machine.
Her advice? Don’t try to do it all.  We need to plan and prioritize

Robyn suggests four key elements if we want to have good time management…

KNOW THE BIG PICTURE

If we know what our goals are, it gives us clarity and focus. We need to learn to say ‘no’ in a non limiting way!

PLAN AND PRIORITIZE

Understand the difference between urgent and important, and develop a proactive focus. Is there a repetitious task that needs to be redone? What system can you improve to make that task easier? We also need to have weekly planning and daily planning.

TIPS AND TECHNIQUES

How can we be more efficient?

SANITY GAPS

Visit gettingagrip.com for free resources on all of these tips!

So, how do we need to change our perspective of time?

Our mindset is triggered by the words we speak! If we keep saying “I don’t have enough time,” it develops our mindset. The words we speak have a great impact on our outcome.

How can we be more present? When we’re at work, we feel like we should be at home, when we’re at home we feel like we should be at work, and so on? How do we stop this?

Develop a mindfulness habit (sound familiar?) Practice gratitude: when you’re doing the dishes, think about how lucky you are to have hot water. Be grateful that you have food for the meal you’re preparing. Remember that you can’t do everything! Stay grateful for the fact that you can do SOMETHING. Don’t compete with other people.

CONTEXTUAL MARKERS

Use something to help you compartmentalize and signal you when a task is done; such as the drive home, or wiping the counter clean. You need those signals to help you finalize a task so you can move on.

When cleaning a room, keep a pile of the things that don’t belong there, and take those things the next time you leave the room.

What do we do when EVERYTHING feels like it’s a priority, pulling us in so many different directions?

Ask for help! Put all of those things in a visual place, where you and everyone else can see what needs to happen and what needs to be done. WRITE THINGS DOWN.

Tune in to hear Robyn’s strategy on organizing your to do list.  It’s GOLD!

How do we spend quality time with our family?

As a mom of 6 children, life was crowded for Robyn.  She developed something with her kids called special time, and the impact was amazing. She made a chart with each child’s name, and each day of the week.  The kids made 30 minute appointments each week with the parent of their choice, and the child got to choose the activity. Her daughter is doing this tradition with her own children now.

“Do Nothing” Weekends

Plan a weekend about every 6 weeks where you do nothing: no commitments, no fancy meals, no activities. Just “veg!”

The power of NAPS

When we talk about time management, what we’re really talking about is energy management. We have rhythms throughout our day. We have “up” energy for about 45 minutes, and then we go toward the downward cycle.  We need a reset. We aren’t effective when we “plow through.” We need to stop and rest and reboot! Rest is NOT a negative term.  It’s a rebuilding and growth time. When you push through, that’s when we stop being productive and start getting sick.

My biggest takeaways here were prioritize, don’t try to do it all, and WE ARE NOT EFFECTIVE WHEN WE JUST TRY TO PLOW THROUGH! I’m thankful for Robyn and her advice, and I hope you check out her resources. There’s so much free stuff on her site that we can all benefit from!

CONNECT WITH ROBYN:

gettingagrip.com  (everything time-related)
robynpearce.com (focusing on my books)
effectiveworkspaces.com (how to survive in open plan offices )

Blog: gettingagrip.com/blog

Facebook:facebook.com/timequeen – check out the Facebook Live library of weekly short tips. 
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/robynpearce/
Twitter:twitter.com/robynpearce

You guys, when I first started thinking about starting a podcast, I made a list of dream guests I wanted on the show at some point. I am so excited to share a conversation that I had with one of them!

Mandy Arioto is the the President and CEO for MOPS International. If you’re not sure what MOPs is (and Mandy says herself it’s kind of a funny name), it stands for Mothers of Preschoolers.  I have had the honor and privilege of being involved with the MOPs organization locally for the past couple of years, and if you need a mom community, MOPs might just be the place for you.

MOPs is a world wide organization, with over 130,000 mother members and thousands of groups who gather all across the globe.  

Mandy serves and represents as a voice for the organization.  When she’s not crafting her Have More Fun podcast, she speaks at events around the world. She has been featured on MSN, Buzzfeed, Huffington Post, and USA Today. Mandy and her husband have three kids and we talk about what it’s like to be a CEO and a mom and how she manages it all.

Mandy also just came out with a book called Have More Fun, and I recommend that EVERYONE read it. We talk about that in the show, too It’s incredibly good and real and full of smiles and some happy tears.  

WHAT IS MOPS?

Mandy is the first to say that “MOPs” is a weird name, and she didn’t think it was for her when she was first invited. MOPs is a group of moms that meets in over 60 countries all over the world, and they believe that better moms make a better world. MOPs sets out to equip women to be the best versions of themselves.

We all have days that we feel like we’re horrible moms, partners and friends, but with the help of MOPs, we can make small changes to be our best selves.

As moms, we can feel chronically lonely, and MOPs seeks to create communities of women so that we all don’t feel so alone. n When we take time to intentionally come together as women, powerful things happen!

You can find more about MOPs and how to find a group near you, here.

For Mandy, her MOPs group became a place of transformation in her life.  The women around her walked through addiction, divorce, eating disorders, you name it.  She felt like she could be honest about the things she was dealing with. The power of MOPs is that women feel empowered in their leadership, mothering and relationships. She was then offered a position in marketing at MOPs International, and after a worldwide search, she was chosen as CEO of the organization

ARE THERE COMMON THEMES BETWEEN MOMS ACROSS THE WORLD?

Absolutely. We all have the same common fears for our kids. We all want them to thrive and feel safe and secure.

Whether she’s in a midwestern suburb or across the world, is that women feel exhausted because they do so much. We all feel like we aren’t doing enough with our lives.

HOW DO YOU DO IT ALL?

Mandy is quick to say that she DOESN’T do it all.  She doesn’t volunteer at school, she doesn’t do bake sales and her house isn’t always clean.  She’s 100% present in her kids’ lives, but she realizes there are certain things she has to let go of.  

She gets up really early to get things done, and she’s had to surrender a lot of things and realize that she just can’t do everything. Her husband is really helpful, too.

Mandy has a lot of juggling and feels low grade mom guilt a lot of the time, and she encourages other moms that we all carry that sometimes. Her advice for all moms? Tune in to find out!

ESSENTIALS OF PARENTING

We have so few moments with our kids. We have to prioritize the things that matter, instead of nagging them about having their rooms clean or  other things that don’t matter.

Choose where your energy goes! We can choose how we spend our energy and our time. When we focus our energy on something, those things become the most important thing in the house, and we get to choose.

Mandy has found in her life that the conversations with her kids that happen in the most unexpected moments are the gold we look back on. Being intentional in these moments is what counts for Mandy, and she doesn’t feel like she could personally do that if all she focused on was a rigid schedule and life.

HAVE MORE FUN

Mandy has made having more fun a priority in her life. When I asked her what inspired that, she admitted that she had become a slave to her to-do list, and she’d forgotten that “fun” was an option. The day-to-day tasks and keeping children alive, running a business and all of the details sucked the life out of her soul.

“Fun” does not come easily to her, and she has to work at it and choose it.  In working with moms, she noticed that many of us have forgotten that fun is an option. So she wrote this book to remind us that fun is so often the answer we’re looking for:

How do I parent better?

How do I spice up my marriage?

How do I interact with people who annoy me?

Mandy’s answer is VERY simple. Tune in to find out!

The cultural climate we live in is really tense and difficult, and she wondered what it would look like to engage in a little more fun throughout the course of our day?

HOW DO WE START TO HAVE MORE FUN?

Mandy encourages us to say ‘YES’ more! When your kids ask you to ride bikes outside, instead of catching up on your to-dos, say yes instead of putting it off until later. Fun is a choice! We have to do it with intention.

WHAT IF WE DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO START HAVING FUN?

Think about what made you happy when you were a kid. When Mandy was younger, she loved to dance, so she started taking dance lessons again.  So, start thinking about things that made you happy before.

Fear keeps us playing small.  We have so many things telling us that we’re not enough, we’re not doing enough, and Mandy talks about how we can live an ABUNDANT life.

Mandy encourages us that even though we’re scared, we should do it anyway, 100% of the time.  It is such a gift and makes other things that feel risky, not as scary the next time.

Mandy talks about loneliness, and how she overcame that, and how important it is to surround ourselves with other people in order to live a full life.

THINKING DIFFERENTLY ABOUT CHANGING THE WORLD

Up until about 15 years ago, there were only about 100 books in all of history that had ‘changing the world’ in the title. Since then, there are tens of thousands of them. This idea that we have to do something that’s so big and significant that it impacts every single person around the globe is crushing and so overwhelming.  It keeps us from doing the things that are right in front of us that could profoundly change the world that we actually live in.

 Mandy is a big believer in doing small things to create change in the people right in our proximity. When we dig into the people right in front of us, it creates such a bigger impact.

So many people want to change the world but they don’t want to change the toilet paper.

Do the small things that shape a family and a community. We don’t have to solve world hunger; we can have fun by changing the world in small, measurable ways.  It has changed Mandy’s heart and how she sees other people.

Hey you guys if you’re interested in learning more about MOPs or finding out how you can be involved in a group near you, visit MOPs.org for more information. I serve as a Mentor Mom and it’s so amazing. There are also tickets left for MomCon coming up September 5-7 2019, and I know they’d love to see you there.  I’ll be there, and documenting all the FUN to share with you when I get back! 

CONNECT WITH MANDY:

www.mandyarioto.com

Okay mamas, we all have that closet or that corner, or sometimes in my case, entire areas and rooms in the house we just avoid because it stresses us out. The toys, the clutter, the overwhelm of STUFF can really weigh us down in ways we maybe haven’t even thought of. 

Today I’m talking to professional organizer and minimalist mama, Christine Teigan. Christine’s a mom of 3 girls and has been married for 20 years to her high school love. She’s a self-proclaimed obsessive organizer, a big fan of budgeting, lover of thrift shopping and all things inexpensive. 

Christine says she struggled for years believing she was the only mom on earth who couldn’t get her stuff together. Sound familiar to anyone?

She talks about how she felt suffocated by her possessions and that she was miserable and couldn’t figure out why until she switched the way that she viewed the “stuff” that occupied her time. Her family literally sold 95% of what they owned and lived “tiny” for 7 months!

Now Christine helps other women declutter their homes and lives so that they can step abundantly into a simpler life.

I learned so much in this episode, and I know there will be something in it for you, too.  And see below for the info about Christine’s free challenge group to help us all get a little closer to a more peaceful, clutter-free life. 

How she started living a minimalist life, what triggered it, and what her husband came home to on the day she started purging!

What is “Minimalism?”

Christine says it’s important for all of us to create our own definition of this. It can be anything to us! For her, it means owning less of anything. It’s going into a cabinet our closet that stresses us out, and owning less STUFF.

What are the benefits of going Minimalist?

Owning less opens up a whole new world for us! It becomes easier to function every day when we’re not bombarded with so much stuff.

How did Christine get started?

Christine was a mom of two toddlers at the time and due to finances, money was really tight. She wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, but she also realized that when she did that, she was closed off to the rest of the world. She didn’t have the money or the energy to do a whole lot of things.

She started to look around her house and realized there was clutter everywhere. There were so many toys, and she felt like picking up toys was all she did. There was a heaviness and lack of energy she experienced every day. She felt like the walls were closing in on her.

Then a Bible verse came to her. She realized that her “mountain” was her stuff, her things, her possessions.

One day, Christine’s husband came home to their garage stacked almost to the ceiling with STUFF. She felt their house getting lighter and lighter, and she felt better and better.

From that moment on, Christine made a commitment to be a better mom, wife, believer, and she was going to take small steps every day in a positive direction, away from depression.

Since then, she’s incorporated meal planning, budgeting, chores, and how to incorporate nontoxic products in her home.

Tune in to hear more processes Christine put in place to help with her depression, and how she found her center in the new minimalist lifestyle!

So much of this episode hits me close to home, because with the exception of the occasional purge fest I have, maybe once or twice a year, I’m pretty attached to my stuff.  I don’t like getting rid of many things because I always say, “what if I NEED this someday?”

Christine talks about how it’s not about purging your entire life or house for the sake of purging (the word “minimalism” makes her cringe a bit), but it’s about what gives you the most peace and what makes YOU happy. It’s your choice! Start with problem areas that don’t make you feel content.

What about gifts from family, accumulating stuff, and all. the. toys? Tune in to hear Christine’s strategy for these!

Christine has a quick and easy process she runs everything through that I think will help all of us when it comes to the things we have a hard time parting with:

3 TIPS TO GETTING STARTED WITH MINIMALISM

PARE DOWN FIRST

How many times have we organized something and it didn’t work because the stuff is still around? We have to get rid of stuff. Notice areas that stress you out, and pick one.  It can even be a junk drawer or a space in your bathroom.

REMOVE EVERYTHING

First, pull everything out of the space. Then run it through the “Triple A:” ASSESS, ALIGN, ASSIGN:

Assess
Does it align with your wants in your space? Does it deserve a space in your closet, drawer, etc.?

Align 
Does it align with your wants for your space? Does it deserve a place here? How does it make you feel?

Assign
Take action! You can either…

Keep it because it makes you happy and serves a purpose
Donate it 
Toss it because it’s just junk

Organize – the most rewarding part!

Christine shares her favorite organizing tip that everyone can start using today! Tune in to hear it.

Who else just feels like they have some work to do around the house?

I love Christine’s real and positive approach. It’s about having less stuff, but keeping the things that truly make us happy!

Christine has a live Facebook Simplicity challenge, where she’s going to help us to get more organized and have more simplified days. CLICK HERE to join the challenge!

If you missed her live challenge, stay tuned on Christine’s website, athomewithchristine.com . She runs regular challenges, and ALWAYS has free tools to help us get our STUFF on track. 

Where to connect with Christine

www.athomewithchristine.com
YouTube
Facebook
Instagram
Pinterest

It’s Q & A time. I put the call out in the Wannabe Nation Facebook group, and I gathered your questions about life, mom survival tips, my favorite reads, and more. I had my friend Jamie with me to ask me all the questions so I wouldn’t think too hard about my answers, so what you’re hearing is totally real an unscripted. There was wine, laughing, and as many of my conversations do, it got a little weird. Stay tuned for the bathroom talk near the end. It gets real.

Kristyn: You talk about being an introvert, but how are you so comfortable in  spotlight?

Ashley: How do you manage making time for your marriage with balancing the kiddos, friends, work, extended family, keeping up with the house, etc. I know there isn’t a one-size-fits-all or even each week but I’d love your thoughts on creating a “balance” or at least a meaningful attempt at “balancing it all.”

Jamie H: what was it like leaving the life you knew and uprooting your family to move to Colorado?

Annette:what’s your favorite personal development book?

Kelly:What does a positive life look like for you? How do I stay positive?

Jessica: How do I focus when I feel like I’m being pulled in a million different directions?

Ashley: What do you do for fun?

Samantha: How do you manage your day?

Byron: Do girls really talk to each other in the bathroom?